1. Puduraya
Whenever I am going back, I always started with fear. That day during raya holidays, there’s almost nobody on road and in college. The journey to puduraya is dark and creepy. I was going to get a bus or taxi but there’s no car passingby after awaiting for 10 minutes. Luckily, there came a taxi at 15th minute. The time is 9.45pm that time. The bus will depart at 12am. Well, people might ask why do I going back alone. I have gotten used to it. My time table and time arrangement is different from my friends. I dunno but I have been alone not just lately. Puduraya, gives a dirty and dangerous image to me. My roomate said he has been robbed there. People just come in group cover him up and ask for wallet and took all his money at the tunnel underground. Sometime, life is full of risks, I just have to face it. Well, there’s actually no place that make me feel totally safe there beside my home. Home sweet home.
2. BBQ
Finally, exam is over. But, honestly, I love exam period, at least I enjoyed studying together with friends, eating with them, discussing with them, and spend whole day studying in a peaceful environment, learning keep learning… However, its over, I don’t know what should I do and what can I do? Maybe I will plan my next sem and start finding a suitable company for industrial training.
Ok, BBQ. BBQ is an event for us to enjoy ourselves after exam. However, people feel that it is not at the right time. Well, it is all started with a facebook photo of chicken. Aminul was indirectly elected as a director of this event. We discussed well in facebook, lecturers are happy and they are bringing food, Yummy~ ^_^ Next, we decide to get food and drinks from sixth. We give a rough amount of 70people to 6th college. On that day after structure, we found that we have no wire mesh to put on. Aminul was eager to buy but he dunno where to goto. Hanif said penline there got a shop. We went and it was closed. We was going to kelana jaya but jam. So, we went to mid. Running like explore race. It took us 2 hours just to get wire mesh. We even couldn’t make it to wait for 6th to send the food. Maybe I should direct to the point, sometime u can’t expect a leader to do everything for u. I was force standing on leader positions for times I feel that resposibility on the shoulder couldn’t be carried easily. Maybe because I was not born as a leader. Looking at aminul cracking his head for the event alone, I feel pity on him.
3. Leadership
And people who are just coming to eat shouldn’t add stress to him and shouldn’t and not qualify to complain anything. People should stand together and solve the problem and not add the rocks on the leader’s head. Some people are really talented as a leader, like Yana, Yokomo, Bovi, … … Because people willing to listen to them. People obey their orders. people respects them and stand together with them. I, of course knowing myself does not born with superb quality, always making a wrong decisions when I was a leader. I always always hope that there is people standing by me and giving me a warm helping hand. But NO, there’s some but mostly people tend to add somemore pressure on me by complaining the work, after the work is done.
WHERE ARE YOU when I am doing the work?
WHY DON’t you complain when we are doing it?
WHY DON’t you do it at beginning if u can do better?
Why don’t yourself become a leader and lead the whole process?
Some people really never have a taste on this responsibility, they dunno how much energy and time it takes for us to carry it on our shoulder.
Actually, I always wish I am a capable and lovely person like Yana, Ken Kiat, Bovi, Kah Meng, … … Some people when they do wrong, people do not blame them much. People who is weak like me, can be stepped till death when I has done a small mistakes.
4. Life
Those famous people, aren’t they failed before? Thomas Edison? I understand that now I am at a very low level compared to them, no matter how hard I strive, I still have a distance from them. “A” has seldom visit me since form 6. I know I am not weak. I know I can make my family proud. I know that background or ability will not stop me continue working for my dream. I thought I was gifted with something but I was wrong. I need more hardwork to keep myself floating.
I feel with my heart that people do not trust me. People never trust things that they do not see with their own eyes. People tend to step on me now. People only come to me when they need my help. At least, I still worth something when I can help. But when they do not need my help, this is when they show me their tails. I don’t like to be negative but things happened are negative.
One night before exam, I had a dream. I dreamnt that I have found someone that is going to walk together with me in my life. However, it is just a dream. To be real, I am not someone like KK or Choot, I am just a me now. People even feel that I am such a boring person. Such a boring design. If I were them, I also don’t want to get close to myself. I know I can’t blame people to be realistic, I only can keep upgrading myself.
Last time, I was not like that, I am a person with confidence, people trust me, people respect me. But now, I am just a small character who standing behind a group of friends, a easy-to-be-bullied person, a person whose idea and speech is almost equal to rubbish… … a person whose hardwork = nothing.
One thing that I am not happy that is my hardwork can be thrown away easily by people because they no need and never respect me. But, if that is other’s idea, I have to make a decision that will not waste his/her hardwork. How fair?
Well, I am going on with my life this holiday, I know one day my confidence will back. By that time, I shall be a different me. I will be qualify to have a dream, people will see me… … at least.
5. Dream
That day, I had a dream. I dream of I am having someone to write together the story of life. Well, it is just a dream. I was with her before but her eyes never looking at me and have been looking at someone else throughout the time. I don’t know but from time to time, people’s eyes already give me an answer to everything.
